I think teenagers are a myth. By my own definition, a myth is simply a story people come up with to explain something they don't understand. Most people will agree that they don't understand teenagers. They don't understand the way that teenagers think or speak or dress or behave, and have created a "story" that justifies somehow this craziness. I don't buy it! I don't think that young people need to become teenagers at all! I think they can skip most of the drama and misery, and go straight from childhood to being a youth. They'll be much better off, and so will their parents!
What is the difference between a teenager and a youth? I came across this insightful article called Youth v. Teenager by Michael Platt, Ph.D.
You can access the pdf here: http://tjedonline.com/docs/YOUTHvTEENAGER.pdf
Dr. Platt claims that the teenager saga was in fact created, and is not very old at all. The teenager did not exist before WWII, and was created mostly by neglect and parents allowing other sources, television being a big culprit, to educate their own children.
He describes the youth as "...young people who wanted to become adults. However confused, wayward, or silly they acted, however many mistakes they made, they looked to the future, wanted to make it different from their youth, and planned to...Youths associated with other youths, sometimes dressed alike, talked alike, but never separated entirely from their teachers and parents. When you saw youths with their parents, they were not pretending to be unrelated to the family. After all, they wanted one day to become like their parents, or like their grandparents, or like their teachers. Their heroes and heroines were such people."
I think we would all agree that most young people would not be described like that now. It is very much all about them, all of the time. They do not want to prepare for adulthood or work hard for what they want or need. They have found other heroes through the media and various other places that have displaced the parents' power to influence them for good. So many factors created this "Me Monster," this teenager. Divorce, television, lack of supervision, lack of interaction with extended family- especially with older people such as grandparents, lack of faith or a moral compass, too much time on their hands to get into trouble, or not enough time left alone to pray, ponder, and plan their futures all have contributed to this sad tale. The modern world is amazing, but kids these days (teenagers at least) never give themselves quiet. They constantly have cell phones, TVs, gaming systems, or music plugged in their ears. They have become "parent deaf," and tune out the world if it does not tell them what they want to hear.
BUT, I believe there is hope!! Now in the midst of raising one of my own, I tell Savanna on a daily basis to rid herself of this silly myth that she has to be teenager. To skip it all and go straight to being a youth! To use this time to prepare for her adulthood. To strive to love learning and growing, and to listen to those that have gone before her and learn from their successes and failures. I believe that many tribulations can be avoided by learning from another's experience. Many of these vital lessons and values can be found in classic works. We have also limited many distractions in our home that have a tendency to drown out thought, reason, and overall growth (the time-fillers and time-wasters of the modern world), and spend ample time together as a family unit. We give her lots of time to read, discuss, plan, and learn new skills. Of course our faith has played a big part in helping her focus more on "youthly" attributes as well. In our church the programs for young people are even called Youth Programs, Young Women, Young Men, etc. She is not perfect and still has many interactions with her peers, many who are in the teenage category, but I see her striving to do better.
Teenagers want so badly to be free to do whatever they want but even when they are given these freedoms, they are still unhappy. There is always something ELSE they need to be happy. So really there is no point in striving to be a teenager. They may appear to have more fun and privileges on the surface but they will always choose to be miserable! James and I have made it clear that if Savanna acts like a teenager, she will be treated like one. You can not trust a teenager. They do not act with reason or think of the consequences of their choices and therefore have limited choices to protect themselves and others. A youth, on the other hand, weighs his options thoughtfully and acts according to what is best, not only for him, but for the majority. He still makes mistakes, yes, but feels genuine shame and tries to do better. A youth will be given many more privileges than a teenager because he will handle them responsibly. He will also be happy with what he has been given while still looking forward to earning more freedoms in the future.
Many parents out there are raising teenagers and then reward them for their bad behavior with the tools that are creating the problems in the first place! Savanna sees her friends treating their family members badly and then getting a new iphone for Christmas...it frustrates her that her life doesn't work like that. But the bottom line is that when she enters adulthood, she won't have the teenage excuse to fall back on. If she doesn't learn to work and act appropriately NOW, she will not get the desired results in the future- that is just life!! I hope that she writes her own story...not a myth or a copy of someone else's story...but HER genuine story, one with purpose and lasting joy. And I believe that transitioning from a child to a youth is the only way to do this.
That's my soapbox for tonight.
December 22, 2011
